#writedaily Seeing the drift, Captaining your own ship

June 20, 2021 - (almost) Daily writing, unfiltered post practice. Typos, misspellings and opinions are all my own. 

Houston

Down to the wire with moving out. 

I’m mostly W1nning, but already lost in a couple of key goals. 

I’m not physically where I wanted to be by the time I left for Cancun. I'm better than I was when I arrived almost a year and a half ago, but I'm still not getting enough sleep. 

This move has been OK, even though I planned ahead and left cushion, it was barely enough for the circus of "random" resistance that has shown up. Missed shipments, last minute cancellations, hours wrangling with the health insurance company who cancelled my policy due to a lag in their accounting systems.

But all of that, including the surfing I just did for 10 minutes checking out people I used to know online - is a symptom of this: I treat too much of my time without appointments on the calendar as an open-ended space. 

If you grew up on a typical American schedule, you may be doing this as well . 

I remember a few weeks ago, I'd had a good day, a new convo, an insight, and as I opened the door to leave I thought, wait, this is how it feels to take control of the ship, not just feel paralyzed when business is slow, or chase things to put in place because you need something react to.

Think about it - as children, our lives revolve around school. If we go to college, same. If we get a job working for someone else, same.

In fact, regardless of what school teaches you, the very best thing it does is prepare you to be an employee. That's not just an opinion; if you don't believe me, read about the industrial revolution and the evolution of education in our country. 

If you stay home with the kids, get ready for an even wilier head game. You don't even get the kudos or paycheck of employment in return for submitting to the machine.

I spent 25ish years of being the person who not only reacted to everyone else's schedules; I was also in charge of keeping track of the ones belonging to the kids in our house. We had some good times, don't get me wrong, but it was not a great fit for me.

Somewhere along the line, when I realized just how much at odds the workaday achievement world is with that of having school-age kids, I quietly gave up something inside. I didn’t like committing to grown-up activities and then having to cancel because one of my kids was sick or had an issue. I kept my part time work super small. I kept me super small. 

I was not very resilient in those days, if I thought something might get called off, I wouldn't even make the effort in the first place. I felt powerless to make progress on my adult life. I was lame and I felt it.

If you decide to work for yourself, whether from an employee background or stay at home parenting, here is an insight I wish I had "seen" earlier, like 30 years ago earlier - 

Are you subconsciously still looking for and waiting on something external to shape your days? A client, a project, a trip even?

How does that story change when you claim and burn into your heart - I am my most important client. It looks like an IG meme, right?

Sounds obvious, but if that was the case, how would I treat myself? Would I put me off, procrastinate, skip the meetings (workouts, meal prep, sleep) that keep our most important resource running smoothly? Would I treat mornings with no meetings as an open-ended coffee break? 

Our habits show what we value. I'm going to create a new client avatar called ME and create a schedule to maximize her. 


Thanks for reading! 


I created the Tigress Society for Humans Hunting the Big Life.
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